Are You Living Your Values—or Someone Else’s?

14 Sept

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about values. Not the ones we claim to hold on paper, but the ones that actually show up in how we spend our time, our money, our attention, and our energy.

In a recent episode of The Project Emerald Collective, I sat down with Niloufar Pepperell—a pharmacist, community volunteer, and spiritual educator in Southern Tasmania. As the daughter of an Iranian refugee, she grew up with a deep belief that humanity is one interconnected family, and that we all carry a responsibility to contribute to the world around us.

We started our chat talking about parenting: How do we raise kids who actually trust their inner compass? But it quickly became clear that we couldn't answer that without looking in the mirror first. How can we expect our children to know what they value if we haven’t stopped to ask ourselves the same thing?

The Space We Give to Agency

Children are born with a natural sense of agency. The real test is how much room we give them to use it.

When we constantly rush in to fix, correct, organize, or decide everything for them, we quietly erode their confidence. And honestly, the exact same thing happens to us as adults.

We get buried under endless noise—messages dictating what we should want, what we should buy, how we should look, and how we should define success. Over time, our own voice gets drowned out.

Reclaiming that voice doesn't mean burning your life to the ground and starting over. It usually starts with a few quiet, uncomfortable questions:

What do I actually value?
Do my daily habits reflect those values?
Where have I been letting external noise make my decisions for me?

Wanting vs. Valuing

There is a massive difference between wanting something and truly valuing it.

The high we get from buying something new or checking a box is fleeting. Real contentment comes from deeper ground: genuine connection, quiet gratitude, and doing something meaningful for someone else.

If you feel like you’ve spent years living by everyone else's rules, the fix isn't complicated. You don't need another strategy—you need space.

Step away from the constant stream of updates and notifications.
Let yourself be bored for twenty minutes.
Garden, paint, play an instrument, or just sit quietly on the back porch.

Creativity bypasses the overthinking mind and reconnects us to something real. Coming back to yourself isn't about hunting down a brand-new answer; it’s about getting quiet enough to hear what was already there.